God has not called us to be victims, but victors.

Never let what other people have done to you become bigger than what God has done for you.

Let the waters rise

I will stand as the oceans roar

Let the earth shake beneath me

Let the mountains fall

You are God over the storm

and I am yours.


Matthew 14

Jesus walks on water. He walks on the waves. He walks on the the very thing that terrifies the disciples the most. Jesus walked on our problems like they were nothing.
Peter looks beyond the waves and sees Jesus and responds: Lord if you’re calling me – I’m in!

God-sized assignments always start with a step of faith.

prayer for tomorrow

prayer for restful sleep tonight.

prayer for renewed energy for aaro 9 tomorrow.

prayer for strength to give my best for these students, their families, my co-workers, my employers, SMU.

prayer for wisdom and discernment, compassion and understanding when interacting with the first-year students.

prayer for me to see the students in my small group through Your eyes. to see how precious each one of these students is. how infinitely valuable they are to You.

prayer for me to answer their questions thoroughly, for me to help equip them to live their college years to the fullest potential.

prayer for me to be honest, open, vulnerable. professional yet understanding.

prayer for me to love my neighbor as myself.

prayer for me to be filled with Your Spirit all day long. for me to listen for Your still, small voice. for me to believe You are near me even when it is hard for me to have faith that You are sovereign, You are in control.

prayer for me to walk in freedom. live life without limits.

prayer for You to tear down strongholds in my life, one by one.

prayer for You to teach me how to trust You again.

Lord I want to love like Jesus. I want to these students to know You. I want them to feel valued, to feel like they belong here, to feel that someone here cares about them – cares about the things that make them unique and special. Teach me how to love like You already love them.

Lord teach my heart to dance with Yours. Take my heart just as it is now – weak, confused, weary, fearful, selfish, stubborn – and allow me to experience the freedom I have when i dance with You. I need to, I want to feel Your heart beat. I want to see like You see. I want to hurt like You hurt. I want to cry like You cry. I want to rejoice with You. I want to be in this world, but not of it because the only thing that can define my existence is the fact that I am Yours. Give me a heart that serves not for my own gain but because I can’t not share Your goodness to others.

My Princess Bride

May I invite you to let your heart dance with Me today? Only I can turn your mourning into dancing. I will give you the beauty and grace needed for the world to see that you are My Beautiful Bride. When you dance with Me, you will feel yourself move to the beat of My heart. It is time, My Bride, to put on your dancing shoes. Now allow Me, your Prince, to play a song, a song for your soul. A song that will make your heart beat with Mine now and throughout all eternity.

[Sheri Rose Shepherd]

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!

Psalm 30:11-12

Cry on My Shoulder

You are never alone, My beloved.

When you hurt, I hurt, and it breaks My heart to watch you cry without me.

I am here with you, desiring to be the shoulder your tears fall on.

I too walked the world broken, My love.

We will work through any and all things together, heart.

Call out My name, Jesus, in your dark hours, and I will hold you.

Will you give Me a chance to love you back to life again?

I promise that you will see the light of a new day and joy will come again.


Your Prince who will wipe away your tears

[Sheri Rose Shepherd]


He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. [Job 8:21]

open door

Dear God, what does that mean? open door. two out of the many words you gave me yesterday.

two things usually hold me back from going to the altar after the sermon: fear of what people will think of me and fear of surrender. when i went yesterday, i received the words “open door”.

then twiggie met up with me for lunch. everything you’ve done in my life leading up to this point in time has been to open a door for me. i feel as if there is nothing much left to do on your part; all that is left is for me to respond. to let go of bitterness, pain, hurt, fear, insecurities, pride, control. to let go of numbing my pain by not dealing with it. to let go of blaming others for where i stand in my relationship with God.

dear m. i’m angry at you. i’ve been angry at you for most of my life. first,  it was just confusion. why did you lash out at me when i tried my best? why did you not tell me you loved me when you should have? why did your insecurities have to cut me, too? why did you have to hurt me so much that it made me wish you dead? why did you reject me when i gave you my heart?

why have you never apologized to me. why do you always justify the wrongs you did to me.

aveline, for years now you have been equating your healing with m’s change in response toward you. but my breakthrough is completely between God and me. it has nothing to do with m. oh, what i would give to see m understand me, my pain, my heart. yes, what an experience it would be. but there’s something bigger and greater in God wanting me to surrender my mess to him.

stepping stones. i can choose to use my mess to grow or i can choose to be bitter and use it against myself.

i am a daughter of God. my mess – the pain numbing, the pride, the impatience, the bitterness, the insecurities, the anger – are opportunities to step closer to you. i can choose to linger in the messiness or i can ask God to not let it hold me.

“I will come soon to carry you over the threshold into eternity. My desire is to lift the veil from your eyes that you might see who you really are, My Princess, My Bride…I long to get close enough to give you a glimpse of My eternal love for you…I will give you a new hope in your heart that you will change your view of Me, of yourself, and of the world around you forever.” [Sheri Rose Shepherd]

The Lord All-Powerful,

the Holy God of Israel,

rules all the earth.

He is your Creator and husband, and he will rescue you.

Isaiah 54:5


dear Lord, please change my view of You, myself, and the world around me tomorrow. tomorrow is the first AARO.


spring 2015. wow. it’s over.

what a whirlwind.

today, i realized that all of wanna’s blog post notifications had been going straight to my spam. oh dear me. dear aveline.

i really stopped journaling shortly after this semester began. i didn’t even write a physical journal like i usually do. not even in church during Pastor Brad’s sermons. i just felt asleep a lot. but last sunday, i stayed awake for the entire service and i never once felt the urge to sleep. twiggie and her boy disagree, but God and i know the truth.

my movie fast (nyuck nyuck nyuck) did not last. i broke it once after two weeks had passed but then exercised a pretty decent amount of self-control for just about the entire rest of the semester. but then i got mad at God and stayed mad and didn’t care anymore. good news is that the fast, even though i didn’t really complete it, curbed my winter break movie addiction.

i dropped some things and i picked up other things.

i took a break from going to community groups.

i started going to the brand-new iv women’s small group but i still wasn’t very consistent.

i half-way fixed my virus but still need to re-partition my computer so the storage is evenly split between the mac and windows sides.

i felt intensely homesick a lot. it got better near the end.

i signed my first lease for next year’s apartment and spent the next few weeks daydreaming about how i wanted to decorate it.

i got a baby succulent cactus plant from wanna for no real reason. she gave it to me during the intermission of my last choir concert.

oh yeah – i was in choir this semester. two more semesters to go. wheeeeeeee (not).

i went on an AB tip to atlanta to explore the issue of human trafficking. i hope that my desire to help will never fade.

i found a new nightgown: one of daddy’s big t-shirts.

i watched the imitation game at mama murray’s house and it made me sad.

i also watched the theory of everything and that made me sad.

i went to the reunion tower for the first time for suebee’s 21st. wanna, kris jie jie, suebee, and hanna C. it was fun and reminded me of sitting on a wobbly cruise ship. wanna wanted to go clubbing afterwards but suebee had to go home and sleep. the poor child. she woke up in time to work DU at 6am every Monday and Friday this semester.

speaking of which, wanna took kris jie jie, suebee, and me to our first club. my feet hurt afterwards but it was cathartic.

i discovered that the i pig boutique has incredible warehouse sales.

i stopped pretending my relationship with SW was okay or normal. because it’s not. perhaps this is taking the first step to healing our broken relationship.

atilal and i stumbled upon the cutest plant sale just two minutes away from our house. we bought lamb’s ears for SW and i bought a vine that doesn’t need much sunshine or water. the lady told me to water every 10 days.

i stopped taking my allergy shots because i was too lazy to walk to the health center and my skin is going crazy. i need these allergy shots more than i thought i did.

eelasor taught the chanblings how to play settlers of cataan and now i like it much more than monopoly. i feel like a cool hipster when i play it. i just wish i didn’t always get so many sheep.

i took a class from the first professor i’ve hated so far at this school. he deserves to get his bootay kicked.

i put a vineyard vines sticker on my laptop cover because suebee didn’t know what it was and i thought that was cute.

i started giving my first adult student private piano lessons and she cuts my hair in return! sweet deal. bonus: best student i’ve ever had. her practice habits are out of this world good.

i stayed up late talking to kris jie jie a few times.

i tried spinning with suebee every Tues morning at 7:15. we were always late and missed a good one too many classes. the instructor reminded me of erin waller.

i bought eelasor macarons from the farmer’s market for valentine’s day. she screamed a lot. i don’t even understand why those are so popular. they’re not even tasty. do you know what’s yummier? baby food.

i took an OLI class and learned about the four frames in an organization.

i discovered i can’t stand the smell of 6-month-old kimchi. thanks dear roomies for ruining kimchi for me. not that i was ever crazy about it in the first place.

i developed a new fear of cockroaches. they are nasty creatures. suebee is a warrior and gets rid of them for me. she is a brave child. i am not that brave. i am afraid. i will sleep on the couch if there is one cozied up in my room.

i hugged the famous cassey ho when she came to dallas last month. going to see her in southlake was a really fun experience. plus, atilal is a great buddy.

i practiced after midnight on a friday night and got kicked out of my practice room by the campus police. not pleased. this needs to change.

i didn’t study very much but i think the professors liked my piano jury.




The mark of a true believer is not sinlessness.

“And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

“Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.”

The mark of a true believer is that you fight against sin and you turn against sin.

If there is no fight, there is no light.

-Matt Carter, Fighting Sin Through Identity